I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
