I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
