Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
