I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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