Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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