It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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