in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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