Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
