Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
