Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
