somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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