i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
