i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
