I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
