I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
