when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
These tits shall not be calmed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
