so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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