I just saw a hot homeless man
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
