I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
