Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
