She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
