so that wasnt chicken after all
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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