I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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