roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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