I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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