So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
