We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
