Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
