I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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