what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
