How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
