sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
