Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
