i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
