She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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