Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
