Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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