hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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