yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
