Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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