someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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