You're so nebulous sometimes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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