Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
