shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
