I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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