Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
