Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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