so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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