i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
