1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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