i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
