just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
