cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
