I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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