speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
